Give Myself Grace

Self-quarantine isn’t what it used to be. These. Four. Walls. Oh my. My peaceful lair is alas, starting to generate waves of anxiety. I have been sitting in one place for far too long. It’s time to get moving, but there is nowhere to go.

I am an introvert, peace and solitude have been great for me. But, I find myself yearning for forward motion today. I spent the first 70 (seventy!!) days of quarantine focused on new goals and habits. Now that all my new habits are in place and gaining traction, I can focus on more…but I don’t want to. I’m feeling good internally, I’m ready to focus on the external. I’m ready for my environment to change.

The laws in my state have been some of the most relaxed during this pandemic. It is business as usual out there. So, technically, I can go out and do whatever I want. I have huge reservations about jumping feet first into a great lake of uncertainty. To full-on face the public is not something I am ready for, mask or no mask.

So, I sit. In the same chair that I have been sitting in for all these days and I pout. I dream of the day when I get to jot the word “vacation” on my calendar. Then I pout some more. Then I give myself grace, and I move on.

I am not the single mom, who is also an essential worker. My child is not the one who was born into a jungle of distress, with school being his only comfort. My husband is not on the healthcare front line, risking it all for the sake of humanity. We are not hungry. Our home is comfortable. We can be out in nature. Most importantly, we can be together. My heart goes out to the many that have faced this fiasco alone. I do lonesome well, I know that most people do not. Also, I am grateful that I am not an extrovert trying to navigate this newly segregated world.

There is no doubt that humans were not built for sitting still. Not this still. The world is changing every second and in constant forward motion. It is the flow of life, ever-present, and always advancing. Quarantine, by design, goes against the laws of our nature. We as a global community are ready to get on with our lives! So, its ok to feel a little down.

I’ll give myself a little while longer to pout as I long for the days of ole. Then I’ll give myself grace, and I’ll move on.

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